Chapter Text
Nico saw it with his own eyes. There was a lightning, cast from seemingly out of nowhere, shooting straight through the ceiling. There was no storm outside and they were inside. It shouldn't have been possible. But what even is impossibility in a world full of gods; especially when one of them is your parent and you shouldn't even exist.
The bright light blinded Nico for a few seconds. Long enough that he never needed to see the burned corpse of his own mother. But the smell was in the air and his sister was screaming and crying. Because she understood what had happened. At least to a certain degree. Bianca connected the smell of burned flesh with the lightning and some information their father had given them which Nico couldn't remember. But memory-Bianca could. She knew their mother was dead.
Nico was crying, simply because his older sister was crying. Because he knew something was wrong, seriously wrong.
When he was finally able to see again, their father was standing in front of them, tears in his eyes. Nico had never seen his father cry before. If he was crying, then the world was probably ending.
"Where is Mamma?", Nico asked, hopefully, innocently, looking up at his father as if he'd have the all the answers to everything.
There was so much pain in the eyes of the god when he said those next words, "I am so sorry, Niccolò, Bianca", he said, "she is gone."
Nico didn't understand. How could someone just be gone? Was she going to come back? Where did she go? When he thought about his mother, something had changed, something he couldn't quite place, something that left and aching hole in his heart.
Next to him, Bianca had sunken to her knees, sobbing. It made Nico's heart hurt even more. Seeing someone he loved hurting so much. His brain couldn't comprehend all that.
Hades hugged both of them tightly. "It' going to be okay", he said, "you will be safe."
Nico opened his eyes, waking up exactly where he'd fallen asleep. His head still on Will's shoulder.
He raised his head, wiping the tears away that were still streaming down his face. Looking over at the blonde boy out of the corner of his eye, he saw that he had fallen asleep as well.
Will looked peaceful like that, all the worry that he always his under a wide smile and sunny facade washed away.
Nico smiled for a second before he remembered his dream. No, not a dream, not really. A memory. The memory of his mother's death.
He'd seen it in a vision in the underworld about a year ago. It hurt so much more to actually remember it.
The smell of burned human flesh still burned in his nose. He didn't think he could ever forget that smell.
Where is Mamma?
Where is my sister?
His own hopeful voice echoed in his head. Nico didn't think he could ever hope like that again. That he would ever be able to just believe that everything will turn out alright again.
But that's just what happens when you grow up, right? You realize that the world isn't fair. That people you love can just die at any second. It's part of being human, Nico guessed, loosing everyone you love eventually.
He stood up from the ground, feeling absolutely nothing but this pain in his chest. Like he had been stabbed with a dagger just a hundred times worse. Because a wound like that takes longer to heal and it never fully will.
Nico couldn't feel the ground under his feet as he walked into the forest. Deeper and deeper, not knowing how far, not knowing how much time passed.
At some point, he came to a stop, not even realizing he'd stopped walking. He didn't recognize his surroundings; everything looked the same it had the whole time he'd walked. He couldn't remember the direction he'd come from. Maybe he was lost.
He didn't care. Nothing really matters. Nothing ever really matters. Nothing, nothing, nothing.
Nico sat down on the ground, leaning against a tree trunk.
All this time, he never stopped crying and he was getting tired of it.
It made his head hurt and he felt absolutely pathetic.
You shouldn't cry. Boys don't cry. Stop it!
Nico his his head hard with his fist, trying to make the thoughts and the tears stop. But that only made him dizzy and it made his head hurt more. Not the distraction he'd been hoping for.
He dug his nails in his wrist instead. The sharp and sudden pain made the thoughts stop. Enabling him to push the newly regained memory into the back of his mind.
Nails still in his wrist, Nico stared ahead, not knowing for how long. His mind was blank and at some point, the tears had stopped. But he still didn't move like he'd forgotten how to do so.
There were footsteps approaching, coming from the right. Nico only flinched slightly at the unexpected sound but he still didn't move.
He would have gotten into some kind of fighting-position if he'd care enough to defend himself.
There was a person in his periphery.
They noticed him. They were walking over. They're kneeling down in front of him, looking down at him.
Hey, he knew that person. It's Reyna. What is Reyna doing here in the middle of the forest?
She was saying something. Nico didn't hear it, didn't understand the words or the connection between them. He couldn't give them a meaning.
She kept talking, looking at him sternly. He rather looked through her face than at it.
After some more talking, the praetor seemed to realize that her words weren't reaching Nico.
She placed a hand on his shoulder and her eyes wandered down to his wrist which he still had a death-grip on.
Nico followed her eyes as she tried to separate his hand from his wrist. There was blood on his nails but he didn't feel the pain anymore.
Nico loosened his grip, understand that that was what Reyna wanted.
He looked back up at her, when he heard her talk again.
"Can you hear me?" Her question sounded more like a command but Nico could see the worry in her stern eyes.
Nico nodded.
"Are you hurt?"
He shook his head.
"Why have you been sitting here for what I must assume to be at least a couple hours?", the praetor commanded to know.
"I remembered something", was the first thing Nico said.
Reyna looked confused for a second before realization softened her gaze. "You mean from before the casino?"
Nico nodded.
She smiled. "What did you remember?", she asked.
"How Zeus killed my mother."
The smile vanished from Reyna's face. She cursed in Latin, then she pulled Nico into a hug. "I'm sorry", was all she said.
And Nico hugged her back, feeling reality come back to him a little for the moment.
"We have to get back to the others", Reyna said as she pulled away from the hug. "We've all been looking for you for at least an hour now. The healer boy called all of us together panicking like an hour after lunch. He said you just vanished when he was asleep."
"Oh. Sorry. I... I guess I wasn't thinking."
"I'm going to let the others lecture you", Reyna said, making it sound like a promise. "Now come on, they're all worried about you." She stood up and pulled Nico up as well. "And I was too."
They made their way through the forest.
Maybe Nico should have been happy to have people who cared about him. And yes, he was glad.
But all he really felt right now was guilt for making them worry.
And all he could think was 'why? Why do they care? Why are they worried about someone like me?'
